A friend sent this to me and I had to pass it on, just to put a smile in your day. I know all of us have got these e-mails at one time or another.... Love JC

Dear All

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the glue n envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a

big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me

instant death when it bites my bum.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl

(Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the

1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once

I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are

sending me for participating in their special e-mail program

.....Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to

split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost

relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214

angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has

granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I

smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get

answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make

a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because

it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to

watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat

when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug

me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me

to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to

Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the

$10.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably

was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my

car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the

next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on

your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12

camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy

hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to

a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's

second husband's cousin's beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study

has discovered that people with low IQ always read their e-

mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Hope you had a safe and happy Christmas and wishing you God's
Blessings always and the fulfilment of all your dreams in the coming year!