A little long but interesting.
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so
long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.
This statement is from a man on Black Voices. It's painful, but true...
Bottom line--if I sleep with a woman I don't know or care about
SEX is NOT going to make me care. (I stopped doing that years ago)
That kind of sex is like scratching an itch. Once a man scratches,he's through.
He ain't sitting around thinking about that spot that
itched or how good it felt scratching it.
He's moving on with his life until that spot itches
again and it don't matter which hand he scratches it
with, just as long as he gets rid of the itch.
Too many women PRETEND they can handle a sexual fling,but wind up getting caught up and wanting us to romance and wine and dine them and pretend we're having a "relationship" when it's NOTHING but a booty
call.
Come on, ladies, y'all know I'm telling the truth.
Unfortunately, ladies, you are part of our problem. You sleep with us BEFORE you know us or what we're about.
Having sex with a man does not automatically make that a "relationship".
Many women will deny they think like this but I'm speaking from personalexperience.
Also, ladies know when their men are fooling around and still turn a blind eye by getting mad at the other woman.
Now, what kind of sense does that make? Why should that woman make YOU (a total stranger) a priority in her life?
IF HE DID NOT MARRY YOU HE IS STILL SINGLE. The
"other woman" is not breaking up a "happy home".
Many women marry men who were cheating BEFORE they
walked down the aisle and then are SHOCKED that a fancy wedding dress or an expensive walk down the aisle didn't change who he was.
Why should he change? YOU let him know it was
acceptable by sticking around that long.
Ladies, start living with your eyes OPEN. Most shady men give themselves away one way or another, usually before the first 30 days.
Women have to stop "rewarding" unfaithful men by pretending it ain't happening.
All of us Black Men (BM) do not cheat. I do not cheat on my lady so don't buy the hype. I know other BM who do not but many men WILL cheat if there are NO real penalties for it.
Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON'T KNOW. That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat.
Women have to STOP being so afraid to ask the important questions that would reveal his TRUE
lifestyle.
Worry LESS about what kind of job he has and what kind of car he drives and encourage him to talk about his past, particularly his past with women.
OPEN those ears and listen. Does he put down his
ex-women and blame them for everything?
And don't be so vain. You are NOT a better woman than
his last. If he dogged her out, you will probably be
NEXT.
Observe him when you are with him. Do you have his home number? Work number? Have you seen where he lives? Where he works? Is he secretive?
Did you ask if he's married or engaged? How does he
treat other people?
Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear.
Stop INTERPRETING the meaning of what he says to fit your purposes.
If he says, "I'm not lookin' for nothing right now" -
- DON'T tell yourself, "Aw, he just scared of getting hurt. I can change his mind.."
NO YOU CAN'T. He said exactly what the hell he meant.
BM don't have to lie when so many BW are already DEAF.
If you can't answer BASIC questions about a man DON'T
OPEN YOUR LEGS.
I could kinda understand back in the days when sex
wouldn't KILL people but now? there's no excuse and if a BW takes that huge risk of sleeping with a STRANGER then she better protect herself --sexually AND emotionally.
Show our ___ to the door if we pressure you for sex too soon. Don't be afraid to be alone.
After you give our ____ some you will probably be
alone anyway but now you feel like a fool.
In other words, take your time and check us out. if we REALLY like you, we'll stick around.
BUT if you decided to sleep with a man you hardly know, PROTECT yourself and keep your expectations to ZERO.
We do not owe you a relationship or another date just because you had sex with us. That's not how it works,
baby.
I have TOO many female friends who give me horror
stories that could have been avoided if they'd done their homework first OR moved SLOWER before giving up the panties.
I try as a BM to give them the best advice I can but that won't mean a _____ thing if BW continue to live in a dream world.
You are TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE for your own sexual behavior the same as I am.
Blaming the man won't change a ____thing. BW have to
look in the mirror and take SOME of the blame for what's wrong with BM/BW relationships.
Let me end by saying....
SEX DOES NOT = A RELATIONSHIP
GIVING A MAN A READY-MADE FAMILY WILL NOT MAKE HIM
COMMIT IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO
A MAN WILL NOT RESPECT A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODY
IF YOU TRADE SEX FOR MATERIAL THINGS YOU ARE
PROSTITUTING YOURSELF
IF HE DOESN'T TAKE CARE OF HIS OTHER CHILDREN WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A BABY WITH HIM?
IF YOU REWARD A DOG WHY SHOULD MEN STOP BEING DOGS?
BRING MORE TO THE TABLE THAN YOUR BODY. NO YOUR ______IS NOT MADE OF GOLD.
IT IS ONLY AS GOOD AS I THINK IT IS. BELIEVE THAT.
BW are going to have to raise their standards if they
expect BM to do it.
The question is, are my beautiful BW up to the
challenge? Are you willing to be strong and stop taking the easy way out?
Ladies, ladies,ladies, hit me back with some truth, not some _______. I don't want to hear: "What you said don't refer to me 'cause I got my _____ together
and I'm a proud black woman who intimidates men and I
never made no mistakes, it's those other women who do things like that."
No, no, no! I don't want to hear you putting yourself on a pedestal because I KNOW you've made mistakes. I want you to hit me back with some TRUTH.
What are BW going to do about these shady, shaky
relationships that wind up in divorce court 60-70%% of the time, that's if we bother getting married at all?
What are BW going to do DIFFERENT to make this
______better? Hit me back, ladies.